Life post Psychosis

Five episodes, ending over five years ago, when I was diagnosed as bipolar.

The diagnosis somehow still sits uneasily with me - I show no outward signs now - and I wonder whether the medical profession has this continuum wrong. I don't think I'm bipolar now but the psychosis was certainly real. Many deluded moments when reality departed. This blog and my tweets occasionally reflected that.  For my privacy, I moved many of my posts back to being drafts and I deleted my twitter account even though I had amassed a following. Many of my Facebook posts met the same fate.

But time has since moved on.  This month, I got a new job. I start in August. Suddenly I feel as if the challenge is awakening me. Returning to old skills but nurturing forgotten ones. Today I even picked up an Economics textbook.

But when I think about life post Psychosis - I think about my husband. It's a truly valuable, cherished thing in life to have someone who loves and supports you completely. I feel very lucky and fortunate indeed. He's been away overseas this week and is about to come home. I'm excited.

Silver linings

Phoebe "Eeyore" Phoenix

Well if I can't laugh at myself,
there is definitely no hope!

Language - the unspoken factor in the peace process

Has anyone else noticed?

I have recently become a serious fan of Hillary Clinton.
Like the President, Mrs Clinton takes great care and responsibility with every word:
considering the unspoken messages contained in every one.

It is an unfamiliar feeling to actually start believing that peace really does have a chance.
Hope has been truly delivered.

Silver linings

Wimbledon is just round the corner so I'm relieved to report that I found some new balls hidden in the cupboard under the stairs. Hurray! I needed them as things have been getting a little hairy recently.... but that's another story.

Blood tests today - in search of the reason for the absence of it.
Nurse Sylvia - I would recommend her - she took four phials and I hardly noticed the needle.

I realised today that it's fifteen months since I arrived in London.
But it's all change again as I'm moving soon.
New balls please!
What is really pleasing is that I thought I was terrified of yet more change,
but I think I'm actually looking forward to it.

I'm downsizing, and it feels good!
There are benefits to be had, you see.

My front garden is now Peckham Rye park.
I will no longer have a herd of elephants overhead.
And I have halved my monthly rental.
I even have a kitchen in my lounge!

A laughing buddha recently told me to keep unwrapping and I would find the silver lining.
...
Ooooo! How sparkly is that!

Time for the latent potential to emerge

Joseph Schumpeter was, for some reason, my favourite economist at University. Whilst it's quite harsh, what I admired about him most was his overt recognition that sometimes the demise of something is required in order to give rise to something better. Having had a brief scoot about Wikipedia today to remind myself of what he was about - I studied this nearly 20 years ago - it turns out, he 'popularised the phrase "creative destruction"'.

It's ironic to find this out retrospectively as it sits so well with my support of the philosophies which emerge from the I Ching, but I can't help but believe this man has some answers to the current economic problems we face on a local and a global level.

My thought for today is that propping up things is not the way to go. Some things do indeed need to collapse, however painful, as this will make way for the new and some "entrepreneurial innovation".

More power to the entrepreneurs I say. If we're going to spend a trillion, let's put it to some really good use!

The Shipping Forecast

I frequently hear Radio 4's shipping forecast, but recently, I got to wondering whether our economic outlook would improve if we challenged the convention and started the news with the weather. Would it help balance out the repeated uni-directional nature of our current economic reportage? At least with the weather we also have highs.

Admittedly, there are pressure zones, but when lows appear, they also tend to move off in one direction and then lose their identity. New highs sometimes even follow behind. We may also have rough, or increasingly very rough times, but we also get high rain, then showers. Tears of joy come to mind. Oh for those in these times!

At least with the weather things are sometimes good; and whilst they're occasionally poor, in other places, it still might remain moderate. Things may also veer off in one direction and even become cyclonic for a time, with squally showers. But later, things are due to be good.

What do you think? At least there's a natural balance to it.

Little elephants

I’m beginning to think two little elephants live upstairs
and they are trying to communicate with me.

It's the only possible explanation.

Sometimes it starts as a steady, determined stride.
Purposefully heading in one direction.
Clearly, off on another mission.

At others, I hear a rumble from a distant place.
Letting me know that they’re still within range.

Occasionally, the two young bulls engage in battle.
Scuffles and snorts but no real harm.
They’re just starting to make their way in the world.

But often, and usually very early on a Saturday,
they'll be thunderous stomps directly overhead.
I think they're trying to tell me, life's too short to spend it in bed.

I’m fairly certain two little elephants live upstairs.
Their names are Ben and Toby.